Desperate Times Call For . . .

. . . Desperate Managing, Apparently . . .

Another win. Nice. 5-0. Great. All's right with the world.

Well, not exactly. Rasner is pitching today . . . and pitching well. Top 6, 2 outs, Yankees lead 2-0. Rasner allows a baserunner. The bullpen starts, and starts fast.

Rasner allows the next guy on. Looooooooooong stall. I mean, I haven't seen a stall like this since before the shot clock was introduced in college basketball.

Then Nieves finally goes back to his position, but The Dour Countenance is already making that slow slow walk to the mound, signaling for Scott Proctor.

I truly can't take the way this man manages anymore. Rasner was at 75 pitches. Richie Sexsun, who I think is hitting .094, was due up.

How is a kid ever supposed to learn how to pitch out of a jam? What exactly was the Dour Countenance hoping for -- no baserunners at all the rest of the game?

But then I realized. Rasner never has to worry about pitching out of trouble, not with the Yankees -- he won't be here that long. He can learn that with whatever team he's going to be traded to in July . . . by that time we will either need 1) a first baseman -- we'll have tired of the Mink/Phelps situation by then, or 2) another starter, when Wang goes down with Bolivian Hemorrhagic Nail Fungus or whatever he's got. So, Rasner can make a career for himself in Pittsburgh or Seattle or Kansas City or wherever we end up dealing him in exchange for another old, highly-paid spare part someone else didn't want and/or couldn't afford.

Did Wang's eight innings convince Dour Countenance that the bullpen problems were magically solved? He's a kid . . . 75 pitches . . . let him try to pitch his way out of it . . .

And of course, we can't just dip into the bullpen -- we have to dive in. Five pitchers. That I can't blame on Dour Countenance since he had been tossed (could we somehow arrange for that to happen more often?); but apparently Guidry/Mattingly have been listening to their tapes of The Fifth Inning is "Late": Handling Pitchers The Joe Torre Way.

I want to be really happy about another win, but I can't even enjoy it . . . thinking more about the needless damage done to the pen today than about the win.

Great.


. . . And For Desperate Measures

Well, Roger's back. Cashman, trying to save Joe's job and his own, made a deal with the devil in hopes of winning it all this year.

At great personal risk I have obtained some details of the special contract Clemens has signed.

Road Games: Roger does not have to go on road trips where his turn to start wouldn't come up. In addition, no one is allowed to say "road game" in his presence. You may say "road," or you may say "game," as long as at least two other words separate those two.

Uniform Number: Roger may wear whatever number he likes on the day he pitches, even if said number is currently worn by another player. The Yankees' Media Relations Department will be responsible for printing up new media guides every time Clemens' number changes.

Tickets: Roger will be provided with 340 tickets by the Yankees for every game he starts at home, and 200 tickets for every r-- I mean, not at home start.

Bonus: Roger will be paid an All-Star bonus, since obviously he'd have been an All-Star had he pitched all season. Roger will also be paid shares for winning the divisional round, ALCS, and World Series, since if the Yankees do not win all of those series, it's obviously not Roger's fault.

Music: Roger controls the music in the clubhouse at all times. All other players will relinquish their radios, boom boxes, Ipods, and laptops before entering the clubhouse.


It's going to be glorious . . . isn't it?