Movin' On Up!

This is too priceless.

OK, Wang hurts his hamstring. As only the Yankees can do, this hamstring injury means Wang is out until after the All-Star break. (I used to make fun of the Mets' handling of Jose Reyes' hamstring injury until Cano missed a zillion games with his hamstring last season.)

So, no Wang. Mussina? Ummmm, no, t-y-v-f-m. Can't mess with Mike's routine. The cosmic waves that originate in the Andromeda Galaxy and enable Mike to pitch would be disrupted if he pitches Opening Day.

Pettitte? Hmmmm, not so much, the back is a little balky, still. Pencil him in for Late June, sorry, I mean the second time through the rotation.

Igawa? No. Pressure, you know. He's new.

Karstens? Well, the closer Karstens gets to making the team the worse he pitches. His last two outings he's looked godawful.

That leaves Carl "Ow! " Pavano.

In government, this would be the equivalent of 12 people suddenly dying and the Postmaster General becoming President.

What a country. Pavano will manage to hurt himself before the opener, no worries. So Opening Day, look for:

Henn for 3.
Villone for 3.
Proctor for 2/3.
Meyers for 0 (faces one lefty and walks him).
Farnsworth for 1-1/3.
Mariano for 1 . . . Yankees win it bottom nine on Cano's RBI double.

Welcome to 2007. Our record is 1-0. And the bullpen is officially shot.